The NBA Awards are boring. For a league with great highlight and blooper reels (Giannis Antetokounmpo anything and non-Warriors JaVale McGee anything, respectively), hilarious press conferences (i.e. “Take that for data!”), and quirky players (Kawhi Leonard, DeMarcus Cousins, etc.), its awards are dull. The MVP and ROY debates are cool and all, but that discussion requires encompassing research and past precedent. I want awards that just feel fitting.

So, as it goes, if you want something done right, do it yourself.

What follows will be the FUN version of what I have in mind. Specifically, I’ll spotlight the Milwaukee Bucks. Every single player that finished the 2016-2017 season on the Bucks’ roster will receive an award (yes, even you Rashad Vaughn). If you’re looking for facts and evidence, leave now. If you’re looking for a good time, enjoy.

In alphabetical order…

Giannis Antetokounmpo: Best
No, I didn’t forget a word. Giannis Antetokounmpo is just the best… at everything. He led the Bucks in points, assists, rebounds, blocks, and steals this season. He is the only player in NBA history to be in the top twenty of each of those categories (regular season totals). His moves leave Twitter shook, his everyday dunks would be the finales of others’ highlight reels, and his defense makes opponents cower. The Greek Freak is, very simply, the best.

Michael Beasley: Best Comeback Story
Who could have expected this from the troubled Kansas State alum and ex-overseas player? After his selection as the number two overall pick in the 2008 draft, Michael Beasley’s career took a turn for the worse. Alas, the tides have turned as Michael Beasley turned in a spectacular season. Beasley swiveled heads by coming off of the bench and providing a scoring punch with a keen ability to take defenders one-on-one off the dribble. This was best on display during that hard to forget Spurs game where Giannis Antetokounmpo was sick. Somehow, Michael Beasley carried the Bucks to a win in San Antonio. He was more than a one game wonder, however. He was a season wonder, and hopefully, he’ll continue to be.

Malcolm Brogdon: Team President
A guy coined as “The President” is a lock for a presidential-esque award. Seriously, his backup nickname is “Humble Moses”… is this man an NBA player or a human rights leader? Jokes aside, Malcolm Brogdon is a very skilled and upstanding rookie. He not only acts presidential off the court, but also on the court. He plays with a leader-of-the-free-world vibe. Malcolm Brogdon is calm, cool, and collected. He knows where to attack, when to do it, and how to go about it. [Entering the mind of Malcolm Brogdon] “We’re in a scoring rut, let me make a call to the Department of Giannis and see what they could do for us.” “I’m feeling a bit frisky, let me hand out some presidential pardons to LeBron James, Kyrie Irving, and Nerlens Noel.”

Matthew Dellavedova: Most Likely To Get An Opponent Ejected From A Buildup Of Cumulative Annoyances
That Matthew Dellavedova guy is a pesky one. He knows how to get under players’ skins. He’s the sort of dude that you hate when he’s not on your team but love when he is. Matthew Dellavedova has perfected the art of being aggressive enough to piss off opposing players but being sly enough to fly under refs’ radars. When his scheme works and a scuffle breaks out, he’s not one to back down either. Matthew Dellavedova defines Australian grit.

Spencer Hawes: Best Hair
Spencer Hawes had his fair share of highlights this season. They generally consist of one or two separate quarters where he goes absolutely bonkers and scores like an ideal stretch five. The most common highlight among the bunch, however, is his absolutely ruthless man bun. This team needs some more crazy hairstyles. Spencer Hawes is leading the campaign.

John Henson: Best Lefty Hook
John Henson deserves this award. His lefty hook is filthy, ‘tis a fact. It certainly seems to go in more than it doesn’t. Well, I mean, if he’s deep enough in the post of course. Then again, most shots tend to drop when you’re less than three feet away from the basket. No, no, let’s keep this positive. Keep letting that lefty hook fly J-Hook.

Thon Maker: Crowd Favorite
Thon Maker is a man of the people. He started the season off as a garbage man, picking up minutes when the lead, whether good or bad, was out of hand. Being a young rookie, he gets the benefit of the doubt: fans look past his mistakes and bathe in his glory. Thon Maker carved out a role for himself at the starting center position (with the help of John Henson and Spencer Hawes) as the season progressed. Fans oozed over his threes, jams, and swats and he took the bait by feeding off of crowd excitement. If measuring expected fun vs. actual fun, Thon Maker, without a doubt, wins this award.

Khris Middleton: Best Hamstring
Khris Middleton’s recovery from an unheard-of hamstring injury is straight out of a superhero movie. His hamstring was off the bone. Imagine that for a second. Bruh. Being the ever-consistent steadying force that he is, Khris Middleton returned from said injury a month earlier than expected. He then put up numbers representative of a man who did not recently have his hamstring off the bone. Honestly, giving him Best Hamstring is an insult. His presence switched the Bucks on, catalyzed a late season run, and led the team to an incredible Bucks-Raptors playoff series. Thank you, Khris Middleton’s hamstring, thank you.

Greg Monroe: Team Enforcer
Greg Monroe has seen some things. The bench has changed him, and it’s for the better. Not only will Greg Monroe eat the opposing team’s reserve center, he’ll eat whoever is messing with him or his teammates. Blake Griffin, check. Nick Young, check. Jonas Valanciunas, check. You do not want to be on this man’s list.

Jabari Parker: Most Likely To Break Every Bone In His Body And Still Come Back To Wreak Havoc On The League
Injuries are great at giving perspective. Unfortunately for Jabari Parker, he was already bestowed with that perspective when he tore his ACL a second time. However, nothing seems to stress Jabari Parker. He is so perplexed when media rightfully insinuates that he won’t come back the same next season. It’s like he thinks his injury is just a paper cut. Jabari Parker struts this determination and self-belief proudly. His basketball time will come soon, and again, he will prove all the doubters wrong.

Gary Payton II: Best Dad
This is strictly in a basketball sense, of course. Gary Payton Sr. is a baller (despite a blemished tenure in Milwaukee). Gary Payton II is in no way his father. Until he spends more time on the court (unlikely), or even just on the roster (unlikely), Gary Payton II will have to live with this unrewarding award.

Tony Snell: Most Likely To Show Zero Emotion After Hitting A Game-winner
Robot Snell is in full effect. This man is as stonewalling as anyone. The good news is that he’s a sniper too, so rather than it being a cold personality trait, it plays into his cool guy watch-me-hit-a-three-in-your-face-and-not-even-f@#$ing-flinch storyline. Tony Snell is all business, and sometimes (only sometimes), this is a welcome break from an NBA world filled with shenanigans.

Mirza Teletovic: Most Likely To Shoot A Contested Three After Starting The Game 0-10 From The Field
This is a positive award. The good vibes are buried in there, I swear! It takes a lot of gall to be able to heave threes on a poor shooting night. It takes a little bit of insanity to do that when you’re only shooting 34% on the season. Teletovic does not have a conscience, and thankfully, it keeps his defenders honest and out of Giannis’s painted path. A shooter is going to shoot. Mirza is going to shoot too.

Jason Terry: Team Cool Dad
Jason Terry isn’t your normal NBA veteran. He’s the best of both worlds. Usually, a veteran is either a good role model and leader or a solid contributor. Jason Terry is both. He hits clutch threes, hypes the crowd atop the scorers’ table, and imparts knowledge on the Young Bucks. In other words, he’s the NBA version of a cool dad.

Rashad Vaughn: Team Funny Guy
It’s easy to examine Rashad Vaughn’s basketball flaws. It’s difficult, maybe impossible, to talk about his basketball skills. Let’s stay away from that whole conversation and talk about his great personality. Rashad Vaughn is a funny dude.

Exhibit A:
https://cdn3.vox-cdn.com/thumbor/P-D0wCP4WAl45UCPdqpLnGqlekU=/800×0/filters:no_upscale()/cdn0.vox-cdn.com/uploads/chorus_asset/file/6125341/Rashad.0.gif

Exhibit B:
https://twitter.com/reporterjlk/status/851908712524591104

He just seems like someone who enjoys making teammates laugh. And, well, that’s as positive as I’ll get with Rashad Vaughn.

Have your own ideas for awards? Let us at @CreamCityCtral know!

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